Today I awoke with perspiration breaking on my head and rapid palpitation in my heart. I heard a voice within. "Boy! what happened to you? When did you die?" 'What?' i retorted in surprise. I heard the voice again "yes! it was better had you died. how come you stopped feeling emotion? when had you last seen your parents smile?" I was dumbstuck. I switched to introspection mode.

It's more than a month that I died emotionally. In office, people would see my plastic smile glued to my lips and say its not natural. My boss would say sometimes whether I was drunk and that I was not my former self. I thought why this man is complaining when my work's always finished on time. I thought these beings never understand me.

Back in my bachelor's quarter after office hours, I swept aside all the books that taught me awareness for they brought grief into my life. I made a nice bed of them. Yes! I was sleeping over my books. sleep i did most of my time. I refused to remain awake fearing memories would weaken me.

I kept me to myself and responding only to phone calls and refusing people an audience personally.And I was busy lost in nothing. No grief. No joy. No pain. No feeling. A zombie I became.

People I lost interest in interacting with you. I found new friends in the dragon flies, moths and butterflies that kiss me on my helmet while I ride my bike. Then I walk alone in the darkness of the night talking to the dogs and exchanging unknown empathetic brow signals. Then, I look into the skies, and lose myself in the cloud expanse, feeling as if I were in their midst, soaring into nothing. I make a triangle with three stars in the sky, only to find a faintly lit star in between. I swear myself a miserable curse. Then, my mind wanders and I immerse myself in unknown thoughts and lose the consciousness to sleep. Like this my days went.....

But today, I had to wake up. My parents' sobs woke me up from my trance. As I write this, my heart is still pounding hard....